


Operation Cold Blood, Pt. 1 (For TommySamash)

by Chronos_X



Series: Headcanons (2016-) [33]
Category: Itagaki Paru (板垣 巴留), Paru Itagaki (板垣 巴留), Shiodome "Paru" Itagaki (板垣 巴留), ビースターズ | BEASTARS
Genre: 1990s, Atop the Fourth Wall - Freeform, BEASTARS References, Because Poor Literacy is Kewl, Clones, Communism, Communism Jokes, Cringe, Edgy, I have too much free time on my hands, Lewis "Linkara" Lovhaug, Linkara - Freeform, Linkara References, Louis from Beastars is not as smart as he thinks, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29852016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X
Summary: Also available at https://www.deviantart.com/chronos-x/art/Operation-Cold-Blood-pt-1-For-TommySamash-836889369Dragon Ball Super: Twilight of Gods I - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466320.
Series: Headcanons (2016-) [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635487
Kudos: 2





	Operation Cold Blood, Pt. 1 (For TommySamash)

Legoshi ( _holds gun awkwardly_ ): So the cannon thingy points that way and...  
  
Louis ( _snatches gun_ ): Ok, whose bright idea was it to give guns to the dumb dog?  
  
Kyuu ( _troll-faced, raises hand_ ): Oops.  
  
San ( _stares disapprovingly_ ): Kyuu... we've talked about this. We can't give guns to dangerous and/or stupid people. We're not the NRA. 'Sides, think of the bad example we're giving to kids and...  
  
Gouhin ( _enters the room wearing a bandanna à la Solid Snake, along with a trenchcoat with over a hundred hand grenades, Uzis and magnums strapped to his body. His uniform has way too many pouches to count as he smokes a thick Cuban cigar_ ): You losers ready to go?  
  
San: Ok, never mind.  
  
Louis: What's with the outfit?  
  
Gouhin ( _smiles cheekily_ ): I'm edgy. Nineties edgy.  
  
Kyuu ( _shrugs_ ): Well, you already have Youngblood's Disease, so it's only fitting, I s'pose.  
  
Legoshi: What's Youngblood's Disease?  
  
Louis ( _hands smartphone to Legoshi_ ): Go to your room and stream this series. Don't come out until then.  
  
Legoshi: Can't this wait, Louis-senpai? We've got a dangerous psychopath to hunt, and--.  
  
San: Nope. This is more important. ( _Legoshi complies. San continues sotto-voce_ ). 'K, guys, let's go.  
  
Kyuu ( _also sotto-voce_ ): I thought he'd never leave. Seeing that kid hold a gun like that... cringeworthy.  
  
Gouhin ( _removes ridiculous 90's knockoff outfit, is wearing his regular clothes underneath_ ): Finally! I'll eat my damn crossbow if I make any more becuz-pour-literacie-iz-kewl puns.  
  
Louis: Yeah. I love 'im to bits and all that, but Legoshi's such a putz. Let's go. Those beers aren't gonna drink themselves. ( _They leave. Legoshi comes out of the room, dressed like Bill Rizer_ ).  
  
Legoshi ( _produces a hand-sized holo-projector, activates it, speaks perfect Russian_ ): {Canis-491 to Uncle Scaley, Canis-491 to Uncle Scaley, repeat. Over}.  
  
???? (" _Gosha" appears on the other side, wearing a hilariously fake beard and mustache_ ): {Uncle Scaley here. Are you alone?}.  
  
Canis-491: {Yep. Morons bought it hook, line and sinker. Will continue mission as planned. Operation Cold Blood is go}.  
  
Uncle Scaley: {Comrade Rabbit-san awaits at rendezvous point}.  
  
Canis-491: {What of our... originals?}.  
  
Uncle Scaley: {Entertained as we speak, will release soon. Demon Spawn Hybrid elated once we fixed head and tastebuds. Old Lizard assured we won't harm furry grandson. Wolf Boy and waifu thrilled by greenhouses. Labrador Good Boy excels at enhanced martial arts training. Substitute Boomer Equine ready}.  
  
Canis-491: {Good. Will bring carrot samples. Over and out}. ( _Raises fist, turns off holo-projector_ ). {One hypocritical herbivore head comin' up...}. ( _Cocks Uzi, leaves, humming the Jungle BGM theme from Contra_ ).


End file.
